Broken Open

  Dare I say it seems like spring?  I’m probably just getting ahead of myself – again – but I choose to be cautiously optimistic in March and April.  It can really go either way, so I choose to believe that it will go well. Oh, wait!  When you read this it will be May!  Well, that is a completely different thing. Well, not always, but let’s go with that.

In years that I plant sweet peas – which has become fairly regularly since they’re just so darn beautiful – I plant them as close to April 15 as I can.  This year it just wasn’t possible.  The weather was terrible April 15, it was Easter weekend – a very busy time in our house – there was a crazy snowstorm the following week, and well, life.  You know.  All the things that get in the way.  So, I planted them this week. The weather has improved and I had a bit of time.

Planting sweet peas isn’t generally a very spontaneous event.  At least not for me.  I know not everyone does it, but the instructions on the packets recommend soaking the seeds overnight.  Sweet pea seeds have a very hard shell, so soaking them softens them up, giving them a better chance to germinate.  This week I also planted some seeds inside that needed soaking, but they also need the seed to be filed a bit before soaking.  That was a bit of a trick.  Try holding a medium sized sort of triangular seed and filing it.  I used an emery board.  My hands are not big by any means, so that wasn’t as much of an issue as it could have been, but while holding the seed between my finger and thumb I kept filing my nails instead of the seeds.  I’m sure it would have been rather entertaining to watch.  And it didn’t give me the nicest manicure you’ve ever seen.

But as often happens, I digress.

Once you have soaked the seeds overnight, sometimes they have come open.  Is it a good thing?  I’m far, far from an expert, but I think it gives them a better chance.  Here’s hoping, because some of mine did break open.

It got me thinking about breaking open.  The seeds have a better chance of growing if they are softened up, and presumably if they have broken open.  I kind of hate the saying that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.  It may be true, but in the moment it doesn’t always help. Someone at church once told me during a difficult time that “God gives the hard stuff to the strongest of us”.  My oh so graceful – and grateful – answer was basically “Then I must be freaking Arnold Schwarzenegger.”  It was a really hard time.  And there didn’t seem to be an end to it anytime soon.  I know she had the best of intentions, but I didn’t want to hear it right then.  I couldn’t hear it right then.  It was all too much.

Does that mean we shouldn’t try to encourage people when they are going through a hard time?  Of course not.  But I do think we need to empathize with them and understand that it’s hard, maybe harder than we realize.  That maybe all they need in that moment is for us to listen.

Am I stronger now for going through that?  Probably.  Have I learned anything from it?  Yes.  Have I learned something about myself?  Definitely.  In fact, I learned that I am stronger and more persistent than I realized.

But that doesn’t mean that when we are being broken open it is easy – it’s not – or that we will appreciate it in the moment.  We probably won’t.  I mean, come on.  It hurts.  It’s hard.  And being softer inside isn’t always easy either.  I think it makes us more compassionate and more empathetic, which is a good thing, but it also means that we may be hurt more easily.  Our shell is a little softer.  I think it is worth it to be softer.  I think sometimes there is pressure in the world to be harder, so showing our softness – and defending it – can take courage.  I am soft – if you know me it doesn’t take long to realize that – but I am also tougher than many people may think I am.

Every year I watch my seeds start to come through the soil, and I am simply amazed and excited every time.  Little seeds pushing their way up, doing everything they can to survive, to get to the sun that will give them life. Sometimes when they come up they still have the outside of the seed on their leaves – which amazes me even more – and I am reminded again of where they come from, their humble beginnings where I first met them in that seed packet.  And I just can’t wait to watch their journey and see what they will become.