With A Little Help From My Friends

Recently, we had a death in the family.  And I did the unthinkable.  I asked for help.

I didn’t know how the next week would go or what would be happening exactly, but I did know that it would be easier if we had some help.  When something like this happens, people always say “Let me know if you need anything”.  And people really do want to help.  Or at least I do when I say it.  Normally, though, like most people, I say “No, we’re fine.  But thank you.”  Not this time.  This time I would take them up on it.

I’m not good at asking for help.  I feel like I should be able to handle and do everything on my own.  Of course I can’t, but I try.  But this time I decided to suck it up and try to ask.  And I did.  People said “Let me know if you need anything” and I said “Actually, if it’s not too much trouble, there is something”.  By the second day I was so glad that I asked, because we quickly realized there was just so much to do and so much going on that we were exhausted.  We needed meals.  I didn’t care if they were homemade or came from the store.  Frozen or fresh, meat or vegetarian.  (But no quiche.  I hate eggs.)  The idea of having to think of something to make and then God forbid to actually have to make it was even more tiring.

I didn’t ask everyone who offered even though we appreciated every offer, and we appreciated that they were sending good thoughts and saying prayers for us.  There were only so many meals we could eat, and it was really hard for me to ask for help, so there were very few people I asked.  But did those few ever come through.  It was just amazing.  Not only did they bring meals for us, they were grateful that we had asked.  Someone even thought to ask if it was just for us, or if we were feeding other people.  Just ourselves, thank goodness.

When my grandma died many years ago, it was September.  They lived in a small farming town.  People came to the house to offer their condolences and to bring food.  It’s just what you do in a small town.  Everyone knew my grandparents, some from the time my mom was a little girl, so they wanted to do what they could for us.  It was lovely and so thoughtful.  I don’t remember everything they brought, but I do remember someone brought homemade jam – yum! – and several people brought homemade apple pies.  It was September – apple season – so they brought apple pies.  There were enough pies that we could compare, and amazingly, somehow they were all different.  We appreciated it all so much, but I did learn that when these things happen, bringing dessert is a wonderful treat, but the family also needs real food to go along with it.

My friends laughed when I told them about “the people with the apple pies” and one brought a pie to go along with the meals she brought for us, but she brought cherry instead of apple.  It was perfect.

I can’t imagine what we would have done without that help from our friends.  Well, actually I can.  There would have been a lot of ordering in and frozen pizza.  Not exactly the nutrition you need at a stressful time, but it’s what would have happened.

I’m still a little surprised that I did it.  I asked.  And I’m so glad that I did.

Despite our exhaustion, we got through that week, and the next.  All with a little help from our friends.